I'm Pregnant and I'm a Man
by the-skywriter.321
Summary: Killian is a young photographer and Emma is a mid-wife nurse. They were once engaged but he broke it off. One night, they got drunk and hooked up. They accepted the regretful night as a mistake. But Killian impossibly falls pregnant and tries to get back with Emma for the baby. This is based on the movie "Junior". Captain Swan, Killian/Emma. No magic :)
1. Chapter 1

_**One of the things many readers get annoy with me is how it takes me so long for the main characters to fall in love. So I figured for this story, I'll give what they want - straight to the point. Although, this story is almost completely based on one of my favorite movies, I hope you guys still like this story. And if you like this fanfic, I promise you, you will like the movie called "Junior". Excellent movie, well in my opinion. I never chose "humor" for any genre in my writing, but I'll try my best. I hope you enjoy, Captain Swan lovers.**_

_**I don't own Once Upon a Time or Junior. **_

_**Peace :)**_

_**P.S. Promise I won't give Killian boobs. He's to gorgeous to go through a complete "feminine transformation".**_

* * *

~ Emma rested her chin on the top of her folded arms, staring glumly at her full glass of martini. Her two friends laughed silently of her misery - they're aware her job is killing her.

Ruby laid a hand on her friend's back, rubbing it smoothly with her palm. "Emma, come on, have a drink, just have fun."

"Huh. The only fun for me right now is to crawl onto my bed and sleep. I told you I'm not good company in the evenings."

"You're not in the mornings, too. Jesus, Emma, I told you working with babies is not an easy job."

"Oh don't start with me, Ruby. I don't want to hear any of it."

Ruby pointed back at Belle with her thumb. "Look, even our little bookworm is letting herself go."

Emma slowly sat upright and sighed deeply through her mouth. She took hold of her glass and continued to stare down on its pure liquid.

"She's not the one who goes through hundreds of pregnant women after one room to another, or get herself trapped in a full room of babies everywhere you look. God, I think if I ever see a baby again, I'll end up taking it from the mother's arms and drop it on the ground."

"Look at the bright side, though," Belle started with beamed smile. "You work with the most beautiful creatures in the world who'll live a full life of good importance for the future. Every sweat and hour that passes counts because there's many that are alive and breathing because of your effort."

Emma shrugged her shoulders, agreeing with her a small nod. "I suppose you're right there. But..Oh God how do you stay so cheerful all the time, Belle? If you weren't Australian, you could be related to Mr. Rodgers."

Belle chuckled lightly on that. "So I've been told."

Ruby lifted her drink to her mouth and sipped through a thin black straw. She rotated her rolling chair, her eyes watching the room like a hawk in case there might be a handsome man she could go up to. But suddenly, she froze and nearly choked on her sea breeze.

Emma turned her eyes away from the dullness of her drink and alarmingly paid attention to Ruby who's coughing hysterically. Emma padded her slightly hard on the back to support Ruby. By the time, her coughing died down, she rested a hand to her chest, but her eyes rolled back to the same area where she found a person who shocked her.

"Who are you staring at?" Emma asked. She twirled half-way around to see who the person is. Ruby bit her lower lip as Emma fell shocked as she was. By the entrance stands Killian, her ex.

A shiver ran down her spine when Killian's eyes met hers. His mouth opened for a brief moment, as if he wanted to call out her name. But he closed it quickly and looked elsewhere. Emma turned her chair back around and covered her eyes with her hands.

The last she saw Killian was three months ago after he broke up with her. It hasn't been easy for her to go through the pain of losing a man that she was determined to spend the rest of her life with. They were engaged two years ago and they couldn't arrange a wedding date due to both their busy careers. But ever since, Killian's brother passed away from a shipwreck, he fell to depression and refused to allow anyone to comfort him, not even Emma. She remained strong and stayed beside him. But that all ended when he called her one night and told her his true feelings that he wishes to end things with her.

Besides the day she dropped off her engagement ring at his workplace, the most painful thing would have to be when she announced everyone her engagement was broken off. Ruby and Belle have been excellent supporters since then, including her loving parents who are retired in a retirement home. But no one was enough to heal the painful scars that Killian caused. The idea of getting busy in work kept her from falling to a dark depression - locking herself in a room and cry her eyes out with no food or water, or in any case, no longer possess the confidence to live anymore.

Seeing her man now only brings back the fresh pains that haunted her during those several short days when she embraced depression. She never wanted the hurting to come back, but then again, even while she was moving on with her life, the hurting never actually left her completely.

Ruby and Belle were slightly lost for words but pulled themselves together and assured their friend everything will be alright.

"Emma, he's the jerk for leaving you. He didn't deserve you, really? Don't..don't make those bad feelings to return to you," Ruby assured.

Belle placed her drink down and pulled out her wallet, taking out a few dollar bills for the tip. "You know what? Forget about this bar. Let's just go. Movie anyone?"

Emma shook her head, lowering her hands from her eyes. Both her friends were relieved to see each eye dry with no tears. "No, no that's not necessary. I'm fine. I could do this."

"Emma, it's okay to walk away from a painful past. Let's go somewhere else. Hmm?" Belle pressed on.

Emma shook her head again, claiming her glass in a tight fist to stop the trembling. "No. I'm bound to walk into him in my life, anyway. I need to teach myself to get used to it. Let me try this, guys. I have to..for me."

"Are you sure? Because I don't mind going to another bar." Ruby asked. She wavered whether they should accept Emma's wishes or grab her and leave the place by force.

"I'm sure."

* * *

~ Emma suddenly craved for an unhealthy taste of fun, the kind of fun that Ruby enjoys. She ordered the bartender to give her a whole bottle of tequila. By the time the tequila was offered to her, Emma drank one shot after another. Belle and Ruby warned her to take it easy. But Emma refused, laughing and enjoying the sensational activity to get drunk - a celebration of breaking her hard rule that she followed over the years: never get drunk because of work.

Tenth shot of tequila passed by along with many licks of salt on skin and sucking on lime wedges. Although Ruby and Belle have tried to stop Emma doing this, they later joined her, figuring doing what she wishes to do is the best thing to do as her friends. After every shot they _"hoo"_ed and licked their salt and sucked on limes. However, the shots were not the only bad thing that grew Killian tensed, Emma's tongue unfortunately is overpowered by the alcohol that triggered her mind to blurt out the pain and stories about her relationship with Killian when they moved in together.

"I always hated those damn posters." She mimicked Killian's voice as best she can. "He always says '_Oh love, I taken those in my travels, you can't put those down_'. Well, you bloody English boy, I hated those posters, they take up the fucking room on the walls. And oh God, if I want to see a picture of a damn ship I could just go to Google and find it." The words slurred from her mouth but can be heard loudly for Killian to listen.

Belle and Ruby laughed, both of them clearly drunk as Emma.

After a few more shots and further personal details about Killian, things got more worse.

"Do you know his ey - _hick!_ - his eyes are not naturally like those creepy cat eyes. He uses fucking eyeliner. Oh Jesus, if God did not gift him with a straight handsome look - _hick!_ - he'll end u-_hick_! - end up as a gay pirate for the rest of his life."

By now, Killian is now drunk.

* * *

~ The bar is now closed but Emma and her friends are still there, half unconscious, and also Killian who's half dead as them.

The bartender there pulled out their phones and started to call some people on their contact list.

Emma suddenly awoke. She lifted her head off the counter, brushing the squeezed lime wedges that's stuck onto her cheeks. She groggily looked around and forced a strange smile with her eyes closed. She got off the chair clumsily. But managed herself to walk by taking slow steps, her arms swinging back and forth and her head tilted back.

She stopped by the time she got to where Killian was. She grabbed his shoulder and gave it a violent shake.

"Hey! Hey, KKKKKiiiillliiaaannnn. Wake upppp."

His body stirred as she changed her tune by spilling his drink on his head. His head lifted from the table and turned his head to look up at Emma.

"Well, look who it is? Good evening, love."

"What happened to you, Jones?" She pulled out a chair beside him and sat herself down that made a thump. "Can't hold your rum?"

"Ah, ah." He grabbed the waist of the rum bottle and filled his half empty glass. "Not only can hold it, love, I can carry it right out the door."

Emma blew raspberries from her mouth, waving her hand across her face. "Yeah, right."

"I'll prove it to you. I bet you after three shots I can carry you out that door and hold you until I catch a cab."

"How much? Because I'm not cheap."

"Twenty."

"Done."

She sealed the deal by giving him a clumsy fist pump. Her elbows rested on the table as she lifted her chin up with both her hands.

Killian lifted the drink and gulped down the burning rum, some contents spilling down from the side of his mouth. After finishing, he poured himself some more rum. She watched him by the time he got to his third one. He slammed his glass down and raised his arms up in victory.

"Alright. Now carry me away."

Killian struggled to get up on his feet. But the greater challenge was to carry Emma up in his arms. Out of a miracle, however, he scooped Emma's body in his arms and headed to the door, walking in a crooked manner.

The bartender there rushed over to him.

"Hey, buddy. Take it easy there."

"Get out of my way, arsehole. I got this."

"Let me at least catch you a cab."

He opened the door for Killian and exited the bar with him. Killian waited, Emma's arms wrapped around his neck and the side of her head fell on his shoulder. The bartender went to the side of the cement path and raised his arm to catch any cab driver's attention.

"What's taking so long?" Emma complained.

"Shh..wait." His breath reeked as she hushed her.

But she didn't mind for exhaustion is tempting her body to shut down. The bartender finally caught a cab for them, he opened the door for them as Killian rushed inside with Emma still in his arms. Then he closed the door.

"Where to, fellas?" The driver asked.

Killian slurred his address after many tries until he got it right. Emma laughed silently, sitting comfortably on his lap.

* * *

~ By the time the driver pulled over outside the driveway of Killian's penthouse, Killian got out of the car with Emma following him from behind. Despite their drunkenness, Killian managed to pull out his pay from his wallet, but was not conscious enough to realize the bill he tossed at the driver was a hundred dollar bill.

* * *

~ Emma threw off her coat and kicked off her shoes. "God, it's hot in here."

Killian loosened his tie and fell straight down on his face on the bed. Emma angrily crawled on the bed on her knees and grabbed his shoulders.

"Hey. Hey, this bed is mine."

Killian turned his face over until his cheek touched the bed sheets. "It's mine, damn it."

"No. _Mine_, you idiot."

He remained still and Emma continued to pester him, slapping him on the back. His annoyance got to him and Emma was stopped when he got himself up to a sitting position and grabbed her by both arms, rolling over the bed.

She laughed as she looked up at his eyes, his body weighing heavily on top of hers. Her breath reeked of terrible alcohol. Killian blew a hand across his face, wrinkling his nose from the foul smell.

"That stinks."

"You do too, you little bitch."

She turned over and rolled him over by the time her body was on top of his. "You're mine now."

"Oh no I'm not."

He tried to roll back, but she stopped him by pinning his arms down. He tried again with more strength, but it only made her laugh of how powerless his efforts are.

Finally, he gave up and he laughed along with her. Emma released his arms and took both his cheeks.

"Oh, you useless bastard."

She leaned closer and gave him a peck on the cheek. She laughed to see him fall silent. But it was cut off when he covered the back of her head and pulled her closer, crushing her lips to his. The kiss was passionate and messy due to the liquor, but the two didn't pull apart.

As he released her mouth, she ripped the buttons of this dress shirt and pulled it off him like an animal. Killian pulled Emma close to him and nuzzled his mouth on her neck. His hands crept up to her bare back, lifting her shirt up to remove it over head.

She pulled off her shirt herself and tossed it carelessly aside. He then playfully rolled over for him to dominate. He unbuckled his belt and rolled his pants down to his thighs. Emma passionately took his face and pulled it closer to her mouth. As their lips locked together tightly, Killian's hands roamed Emma's smooth curves. She smiled as his hand slipped underneath the cups of bra.

Their mouths tasted like a bad mixture of drinks. And the position they're locked in is undeniably uncomfortable. But they did not stop.

By the time the moon fell into a half way form, Killian and Emma asleep, curled up in each other's arms.

Their clothes are on the floor, some on the bed. The time is precisely 2:00 am. And the only thing that is missing is the worst waiting for tomorrow.

_**Hope you enjoyed it! Review and tell me what you think. Bye.**_


	2. Chapter 2

From the gap made between the drapes, a beam of sunshine shone across Emma's face. She slowly opened her eyes but squinted from the brightness of the sunshine.

Her hands pressed against the bed to help her sit upright. She bowed her head low as her back left the bed, and massaged her forehead with her fingertips, groaning from a terrible headache from all the booze she consumed the other night. She took a short breath after a long while and dropped her hands.

She looked around her surroundings and her heart started beating fast of how familiar the place looks. She slowly looked down at herself and immediately covered her mouth because she was naked. This time she screamed when she looked down at a naked Killian sleeping on his back. He awoke from her screaming and his reaction resembled the same as hers. She wrapped the first layer of the bed sheet around her, and got off the bed.

"Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit." She cursed under her breath. She squatted down and picked up her clothes. "Did..Did we real had sex last night? Oh God, I can't believe it."

Killian raked his hand through his hair, closing his eyes to think back what happened the other night. "...I bloody don't remember. Huh, but Emma, we were fucked up, drunk and, clearly, not ourselves. It..It was a damn mistake." As he opened his eyes, Emma lifted the bed sheet up to her chin.

"Don't look."

"I've already seen everything before. Even touched..and _tasted_."

"Eyes closed. I need to go - _ugh!_" She breathed out through her mouth and took a whiff of her foul morning breath. "Do you have an extra toothbrush? I can't go to work like this."

She gathered her clothes in her arms and ran to the bathroom. While she performed her business privately, Killian slipped his boxers on.

The only thing that he could think of was how he impulsive he was the other night. He simply could have left that bar and things wouldn't have ended like last night.

He ended with her. Sleeping with her after a bad break up only makes things complicated, not only for him, but for her to, according to her hard efforts of moving on without him being in her life.

He approached the bathroom and leaned against the side of the door that's wide open. Emma is already dressed and brushing her teeth firercely.

"Don't you think we need to talk about this, though?"

She took the toothbrush out of her mouth and spit some of the bubbly toothpaste out. She licked her lips and took a moment to pause, her eyes remained low down at the sink.

"There's nothing to talk about. Like you said, we were drunk and the alcohol turned us to different people. It happens to everyone who goes uneasy in a damn bar. Just forget it..I-It was a mistake, like you said. A fucked up mistake."

"And you're positive that's the way you want to conclude?"

She nodded and placed the toothbrush back in her mouth, brushing the rest of the areas of her teeth.

"Good, then. Suppose that is best for us..I'm going to make some coffee. Do you want some?"

Emma shook her head.

"Alright. Goodbye, then."

* * *

~ "Where the bloody hell have you been?" Amy asked with a hand on her hip.

Killian tossed his jacket at her and took his camera from her hands. "Had a rough night. Too much rum."

"As your secretary, don't be late like this, _ever_."

"Am I ever?" He asked coyly.

"You are now. Just go. Your models have been waiting for you for nearly an hour. Go a little on them today, too. They have the right to get pissed off this time, for once."

"Yes, ma'am."

In the studio, Killian rounded up the models where he wanted and the crew checked on the lighting for a second time before the shooting started. Killian directed the models where he wants them and how he wants them to pose as he took the pictures.

But in his mind, more than his main focus on the photos, he can't stop thinking of the glorious evening he spent with Emma. It was a guilty thing they did the other night. But it was still sex, a wild process where the exploration of both the partners' bodies are learned through the entire night, in their case, a familiar process that they yearned to do since the breakup.

It is undeniable that he truly does still carry feelings for Emma, and last night was absolutely pleasurable and unforgettable for the man. But an end to a relationship cannot be taken lightly, especially from the situation he's stuck in. He made his decision to end things with her. How could he get back with her, expecting her to give him a second chance?

In conclusion for the final time, last night, as she and Killian himself concluded, was a big mistake. Period.

* * *

~ Emma changed into her nurse uniform and ran out of the changing room. By the time she reached to her department, she was caught by some of the workers of her obvious tardy.

Lily walked up to her and grabbed her by the arm. She works in the same department as Emma and also one of her close friend.

"Where the hell were you?"

"Got drunk last night and..fell asleep for a little too long."

Lily's eyebrows raised. "A little? You're two hours late."

"I know. I just wanted a little fun. Didn't plan on getting drunk and puke in public? God, on my way here, I made a kid drop his ice cream cone after witnessing what I did behind a damn tree."

"Well, take it as a lesson. It's work time now."

"Believe me. This is one lesson I will _never_ forget."


End file.
